Moments after I walked out to the pool and snapped these photos, Sejal starting slapping the water, tears starting to fall from her eyes. What I didn't realize is that they were racing each other to the other end of the pool. Sejal lost.
"Why does she always beat me at EVERYTHING!"
I tried to comfort her with "she is good at some things and you are good at other things." I pointed out that she is a much better singer than Jayne. She wasn't hearing any of it.
"I WANT A REMATCH!"
Crap. Two rematches and two more wins by Jayne, Sejal was even more distraught. Simply listing off all the things that Jayne is "better" at and all the things that Sejal is "better" at just wasn't working. Not to mention the fact that it felt icky to be pointing all this out right in front of both of them. We try not to encourage comparisons and sibling competition.
The crying continued. There is no other way to say it. Jayne is a natural athlete. Nine times out of ten, she is going to best her twin sister at anything involving athletic ability. My sweet Jayne also has a fierce competitive streak and there is no way she is going to let her sister win to soften the blow. She will probably even talk about it at dinner and at breakfast the next day. Humility and humbleness are lessons I try to teach her every day.
I decided to just stop talking and let Sejal scream all her frustrations into my sympathetic ear. It turns out she really thought that she was a better swimmer than Jayne and she thought for sure it was the one athletic thing she could beat her at, making it sting just that much more.
As I listened to her I felt myself getting angry at her. Why couldn't I just listen, say I understand and let her vent. I told her she needs to find a way to get over it, go inside and have a good cry because I couldn't listen to it anymore.
I realized later that I really wasn't mad at her. I was mad at myself. I wanted so badly to be like all those moms on TV and in the movies that know just the right thing to say to life spirits and make it all better. I am her mom. I'm supposed to be able fix it.
For me, it's one of the hardest things about motherhood -- the not always having the right answer or the perfect pearl of wisdom. My logical brain knows it's impossible, but my heart wanted wanted to be able to take away her pain.
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1 comments:
Sometimes it isn't our job to fix it. Sometimes we have to be the ones to tell them to move past it. Because in the real world? They are expected to know that.
There are times when I can be very understanding. Especially in sibling stuff. At other times? I find myself yelling, just DEAL WITH IT, LIFE ISN'T FAIR. Reality is? They need both at times.
It sucks to have someone beat you at all competitive things. I get that. At some point, you have to find what things you can do that the other person can't. It's part of life.
You are teaching her to deal with real life. And that my lovely friend, is your job. Not fixer of everything.
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